Meditation in Motion

Most of us make the assumption that meditation needs to be done sitting in total silence for a structured period of time. While this kind of formal meditation definitely has its benefits, there are many ways to incorporate meditation into your life in informal ways that can make it more accessible within busy schedules. An informal meditation that I use regularly is walking meditation. I find this easy to implement since I do a fair amount of walking, and I am interested in accruing the benefits of mindfulness even when I do not always have time to sit. I use either one or a combination of below methods below and I encourage you to give them a try as well. Remember that it is normal to get distracted while doing them but just keep bringing your attention back to whatever focus you choose and your mind will eventually learn to find a meditative state.

Synchronize your breath with your footfalls. Try inhaling for two steps then exhaling for two steps.

Count your steps. Count up to eight with eight footfalls, then count down from eight with eight more footfalls.

Use your senses. Start with your sense of sight by taking in and noting to yourself all the things you see in your landscape. Then move to your sense of sound – listen for the closest sound, the furthest sound noting all the sounds in between. Feel the physical sensation of the sun or the wind. Finally, tune in to all the smells.

We hope you enjoy implementing these strategies. If you need help calming your mind we can be reached at (514) 223 5327.

Written by: Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ

Self-Care After Trauma

If traumatic events have not actually increased in frequency, it certainly can feel that way with all of the media coverage. Shootings, robberies, automobile accidents, plane crashes, assaults, and natural disasters are just a few of the traumatic events we can be exposed to either directly or indirectly as a witness. Different kinds of traumatic events may affect you in different ways and they can have a compounding effect in that the reaction from a previous event can reveal itself after a more recent trauma. Also, it is important to note that while an event may be traumatic for some it may not be for others. People react to trauma in a variety of ways and that is normal.

Reactions to a traumatic event may appear immediately following the experience, a few hours later or can only occur after some months have passed. The duration of the responses can vary as well. A good sense of your typical behavior will help you determine to what extent you have been affected since individuals vary so much. For example, sleep is generally used as a measure of how an individual is functioning. Sleeping ten hours a night is not problematic if you have always slept ten hours a night. However, it is a problem if you ordinarily sleep six hours a night. Being aware of how you ordinarily function will help you determine whether or not any changes that have occurred since the critical incident are relevant.

Common Reactions

Flashbacks and/or intrusive thoughts reliving the event
Anger and irritability
Difficulty with concentration
Changes in daily behaviours (eating, sleeping, socializing, etc.)
Feeling numb or detached
Feeling anxious or depressed
Feeling guilty, fear, and powerless

How to Take Care of Yourself

If you feel up for it talk to loved ones and friends. If not, write down what you are thinking; keep a journal. Just be careful to not isolate yourself too much.

Be mindful of your physical health. Eat regular and well balanced meals. Try to avoid fast-food. Stay hydrated. Alternate exercise and relaxation.

Limit the use of substances for a little while (alcohol, coffee, drugs).

Rest is important. Use relaxation techniques to manage stress. Limit a busy schedule and give yourself more time to complete tasks.

Consider having someone close to you keep an eye on you. Let them know that your behaviour may change over the next few weeks and that you would appreciate their support.

If possible, get back to your routine. Do you normally go for walks after supper? Spend weekends at the cottage? Do not forgo the activity if you think it will be a healthy coping strategy.

Do what you can to eliminate unnecessary stress. It may not be the best time to babysit for your sibling. It may not be a good idea to take on additional projects at work or around the house.

Avoid making life changing decisions until you are feeling better. Even then, reflect on the decision for a few days prior to taking action.

Have there been other difficult times in your life that you can reflect on? How did you cope with that situation? What worked? What did not? This may generate ideas for what could help you now.

Have compassion to allow yourself the time to recover. Although there is no set time frame, after a few weeks you may want to seek out professional support. Our clinicians are trained in trauma therapy and we are here to help. You can reach us at 514 223 5327.

Written by: Robin Jolivet M.A.

Coping with Transitions

At one point or another, we have all had to adjust to changes occurring in our lives. Some changes are planned and others may be unexpected. Periods of transitions are frequently times of high stress and can be overwhelming. People often describe experiencing high anxiety, stress, feelings of sadness, loss, and difficulty letting go when going through changes in their lives. Such changes may include moving, changing jobs or careers, graduating and joining the work force, having a child, sudden illness, death of a loved one, ending a relationship, or entering retirement, for example. Life transitions often come with a lot of uncertainty and unease, even if it is a positive, exciting, and planned change. The process of growth, be it emotional, professional, relational, or developmental, is a necessary process of letting go in order to evolve. Learning to cope with periods of transition can help to minimize stress, to grow emotionally, and to develop self-efficacy and trust in our abilities to thrive. Here are some ideas to help you flourish as you navigate transitions in your life:

Acceptance of the change: Whether it was something we have been looking forward to or something unexpected, if we resist the change then it will lead to increased distress, anxiety, overwhelm, and feelings of loss of control. However, if we can accept what is unfolding, then we can let go of what once was and lean into the opportunities that come with the unknown.

Creating space for reflection: Finding time to allow ourselves to reflect and emotionally process the transition can help us to understand what we are thinking, feeling, and possibly fearing. This can be done in several ways – journaling, mindfulness practice, talking to a trusted friend/family member, or seeking support from a therapist.

Focusing on the now: By bringing our awareness to moment to moment experiences, it allows us to shift our focus from what is out of our control to what is within our control in any given moment. This creates the opportunity to shift our attention to a more positive outlook rather than drowning in the negative thinking. Focusing our energy on what we can realistically do in a day rather than all that we still have to do to manage the upcoming changes can help to minimize unease and the feeling of chaos.

Engaging in regular self-care: It may seem like the worst time to interrupt our busy schedules when so much change is happening. However, ensuring that we allow ourselves the time to engage in self-care and time to relax during difficult times is proven to help combat stress, anxiety, negative thinking, and low mood. It helps to recharge our minds and bodies, which then allows us to be more positive and effective in handling the transition period that we are in. Self-care strategies include healthy eating habits, regular exercise, maintaining sleep hygiene, taking long baths, spending quality time with friends or loved ones, opportunities to play, getting a massage, or meditation to name a few.

Finding new meaning: For many of us, struggling with an unplanned life change can create feelings of loss/ grief, anger, and a general sense of mistrust in what we once “knew for sure”. However, if we can engage in a process of attaching new meaning to a given situation, it allows us to cultivate trust in ourselves again and in the unknown. Some ways to help in finding meaning through difficult or painful times is to surround ourselves with loved ones, appreciating the positive relationships that we have in our lives, thinking about our goals and ambitions, and reflecting on how we view our lives being different given the changes. We can also reflect upon our values and how we might navigate this transition in a way that remains true to these values. These strategies can help to transform an overwhelming change into an empowering growth experience.

If you are going through a challenging time of transition in your life and would like support in navigating the changes, please feel free to consult with one of our therapists at (514) 223 5327.

Written by: Marianne Chivi, MA, C.O.

Managing Anger

Anger is a natural, normal, and healthy emotion that all humans experience. The problems arise in how it is expressed. Anger, like all emotions, provides us with valuable information. When we are in tune with our anger it can inform us about how we need to proceed in the situations from which it is arising. For example, do I need set limits in similar circumstances in the future? Do I need to behave differently? Do I need to learn to better manage my anger so that I can act more appropriately?

Take a moment to reflect on how anger plays a role in your life. How is it expressed in your relationships? Has it ever caused problems in your workplace or school? Have you ever had any health concerns that were directly linked to anger (ulcers, blood pressure, heart problems for example)?

A good first step is to recognize and be mindful of your own symptoms of anger. Every person is different so some of these may not apply to you or you may notice something that is not on this list. A little self-awareness can go a long way. Symptoms of anger tend to fall into three categories: behavioural, emotional, and physical. Here are some examples of each.

Behavioural: screaming, substance use, withdrawing, crying, changes in tone

Emotional: feeling anxious, feeling depressed, feeling guilty, a desire to avoid

Physical: stomach pains, clenched jaw, grinding teeth, headache, blushing

Three Response Styles

People tend to do one of three things when angry: escalate, stuff, or manage. Escalating refers to times when you cannot control your anger and it leads to displays of aggression, yelling, and blaming others. A stuffing response is when one attempts to deny their own anger or turn it inward. This often occurs when people are concerned with social context or expectations. Managing anger is the most healthy and productive response. Having open, honest, and calm conversations about conflicts is the way to go. Here are some ideas to help you get there.

Communication Techniques

Do not bring up past conflicts that are not relevant simply to hurt the other person or “gain advantage”.
Avoid viewing the conversation as a competition with winners and losers.
Collaborate and compromise.
Use “I” statements expressing how you feel as opposed to blaming.
Take breaks from the conversation before it escalates.

General Techniques

Practice relaxation techniques such as deep-breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation – these will help you to escalate less.
Write down your feelings so that you can review and reflect upon them in a safe and productive manner – then you can express them more clearly.
Practice acceptance when situations are outside of your control.
Practice responding with a friend and discuss how to improve (role-play).
Use potential excess energy for positive reasons (exercise, cleaning, gardening, etc.).

Misconceptions

A very common misconception is that it may be a good idea express anger in a different context for cathartic reasons (e.g. hitting a pillow). The problem with this is that your brain tends to make the association that hitting is a good idea when angry and reinforces the action across contexts. This means that in the future the target may no longer be a pillow.

Another concern about playing out anger in other contexts is that it can lead to a concept called displacement in which one habituates to the idea of taking out their frustrations on others in different “safer contexts”. For example, an employee knows that they cannot yell at their boss for fear of losing their job but they can bring that anger home and take it out on a partner without any workplace repercussions.

A final misconception is that people are more truthful when angry or that statements made when angry are the truth. This is absolutely false. More often than not, statements made in anger are either attempts to hurt the other individual or to gain an imaginary advantage.

If you or someone you know need support in working on anger management, please consult with one of our professionals at (514) 223 5327.

Written by: Robin Jolivet M.A.

Healing Trauma

Psychological trauma is an emotional response to a negative experience. Traumas can be in the form of phobias (intense fear of something specific such as spiders, heights, or closed spaces) or post traumatic stress (pervasive and persistent distress following a negative experience). No matter the intensity, duration and frequency of trauma responses they all cause very unpleasant and recurring thoughts and feelings. This in turn reinforces the trauma response which leaves a person feeling scared, overwhelmed, threatened and sometimes paralyzed over and over again.

In order to break the cycle of a trauma response here are a few techniques to get you started on your journey towards healing.

Diaphragmatic breathing and mindfulness. These exercises help you better acknowledge and regulate your emotions both negative and positive. Here is a simple form of diaphragmatic or deep breathing: start by exhaling deeply, then slowly inhaling for a count of 4 pushing your belly out, then gently holding your breath for 4 seconds and then exhaling slowly for a count of 5. Do this exercise five minutes a day. You can find other examples on our website www.wellnessinmind.ca under the Mindfulness exercises tab.

Self-Empowerment and knowing that you can change your thoughts. When a person first starts to talk about their trauma experience they often feel powerless and helpless alongside a range of other negative emotions. Gradually, when a person identifies and repeats more positive and balanced thoughts this can make them feel better and in turn enables them to behave differently and take action when necessary.

Forms of self-defence and/or martial arts. These activities can help people learn to safely and physically defend themselves and feel power in their body. This helps to generate a sense of safety and self-confidence.

Psychotherapy. Being able to address your trauma in a safe place is sometimes necessary. This helps a person communicate, understand and normalize their inner experience which in turn will help to gradually restore peace and healing in the mind and the body.

Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing or EMDR is an effective and breakthrough form of therapy for overcoming trauma. It enables a person to develop healthier core beliefs about oneself, others or a situation. This in turn relieves the distress and negative emotions associated with the negative experience or trauma. EMDR aims at reprocessing memory associations in the brain therefore creating more positive emotional responses and healing the trauma.

If you need help overcoming trauma and want to learn about other techniques, give us a call. We also have trained EMDR clinicians who would be glad to help you.

Written by: Rita Odabachian, MA., MEd., OPQ.

Cultivating Gratitude for Improved Mood

It may sound counterintuitive to think that during times of difficulty and struggle that engaging in a gratitude practice can enhance our mood; but research has shown that in moments when we are feeling low, overwhelmed, panicked and/or stuck practicing gratitude can help us to identify new perspectives or solutions, which can result in reduced anxiety and/or hopelessness. Gratitude has been linked to increased happiness and overall wellbeing in the lives of people who practice it regularly. Gratitude has also been shown to benefit people who are struggling with depression, anxiety, burnout and/or grief. Focusing on the things in our lives that helps us to feel thankful in turn helps us to focus more on the positives in our lives and in doing so we develop the resiliency needed to deal with challenges and to overcome negative thinking patterns. The honed skill of practicing gratitude becomes especially beneficial when we are faced with difficult times.

Gratitude also has a positive impact on our relationships with our loved ones; as we begin to reflect on the elements of the relationship that make us feel grateful we become more attuned to all of the things our loved ones do for us on a daily basis. These things could be as small as our partners or family members making coffee for us in the morning or it could be as big as someone being there for us when we are dealing with illness or sudden loss for example. Practicing gratitude can also help us to cultivate mindfulness and become more present in our lives. By noticing the things that we appreciate in our lives we might find ourselves becoming more focused on moment-to-moment experiences such as enjoying a beautiful sunny day or a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter night. By becoming more mindful and present focused we are in turn learning to slow down the frantic and panicked mind and become calmer. Practicing gratitude also increases our ability to feel content with what we have in our lives rather than focusing on what we are missing. When we become astute at counting our blessings rather than the things we are lacking or wanting we develop a sense of fulfilment and detachment from wanting more. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with images and messages of things to buy, this practice can help us remember that we are not in need of all of the things which we have become conditioned to want to collect. Here are a few ways to practice gratitude.

Gratitude journals: for some people writing down their reflections and things which they are grateful for on a daily basis helps to create a routine, which in turn reinforces the regular practice of positive thinking.

Telling someone directly: the act of telling our loved ones directly why we are grateful for their presence in our lives or for something they have done for us improves our communication with them and can strengthen or deepen the relationship.

Reflection: some people prefer to engage in a reflection practice of thinking of 1-3 things from their day which they feel thankful for. This is also a cognitive reframing exercise which can strengthen the neural connections we make in our minds when thinking of something positive instead of ruminating over the negative experiences or frustrations we may have experienced in our day.

To learn more about how to engage in a practice of gratitude in your life or to get support in dealing with depression, anxiety, or other life stressors, please reach out to one of our professionals at (514) 223 5327.

Written by Marianne Chivi, MA, c.o.

Enhancing Sex with Mindfulness

Some of you may have read our previous blog about mindfulness. A leading expert in the field has described mindfulness as, “Paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgmentally.” Now you might ask what does mindfulness have to do with sex? Well it turns out that the manner in which we experience sexual activity is of great importance. We can think of experiencing as being on auto-pilot or being fully present and aware of all of our senses. You might notice that you have fallen into a usual course of events when it comes to sex especially if you have had the same partner(s) for a long time. Your sexual menu may always feature the same setting, atmosphere, positions, etc. You know what works and what does not. However, as we become more and more used to something, even when it comes to sex, we can become desensitized and even get less pleasure out of the tried-and-true. Even if the usual sexual routine still brings you pleasure, there is the potential for pleasure to be enhanced if you move from auto-pilot to mindfully bringing your attention back to the experience.

If you’re still wondering, “What exactly is this thing called mindfulness” you might try the Raisin exercise. To eat a raisin mindfully hold it in your hand and experience it from all angles – smell it, experience bringing it to your mouth mindfully so that you might notice movements in your arms, hand, fingers; bring awareness to the feel of the raisin touching your lips, saliva arising in your mouth, the texture as you swirl it around and then chew the raisin; the taste as you bite down and even following the sensation of the raisin going down your throat into your stomach. While eating the raisin mindfully, thoughts may pop into your head like “This is silly”, and we suggest you let the thought pass by without judging it. A common reaction to the raisin exercise is to note how differently that felt; you experienced eating the raisin in a much more engaged way. Researchers have documented a multitude of benefits of practicing mindfulness, which include: reduced rumination, stress reduction, boosts in memory, focus, less emotional reactivity, more cognitive flexibility, relationship satisfaction and many more. Practicing mindfulness allows us to cope with life pressures in a calm manner, which has the potential to increase our overall well-being.

Mindfulness lends itself well to sexual activity; rather than going into auto-pilot you mindfully tune in to all your senses just as you did during the raisin exercise. Mindfulness can also help shift you from the spectator role during sex. Imagine a sexual encounter where you are thinking about pulling in your stomach and avoiding unflattering angles or where you are consumed with whether your performance is satisfactory to your partner. In these scenarios, you are preoccupied with watching/monitoring yourself. Your focus is on you and not your partner or the experience. Essentially, you are watching yourself have sex while at the same time playing an internal tape critically analyzing yourself. Does not sound very sexy, does it? When we are in an anxious state of mind we tense up and constrict our blood vessels. Blood flow is reduced and redirected to our outer limbs. There is less blood flowing to the genital area, which is necessary for men to get an erection and women to experience sensation in their clitoris. Anxious self-focus then decreases the likelihood of having an orgasm.

You might be starting to see the problem with focusing too much on ourselves and bringing anxiety into the bedroom. Incorporating mindfulness into sex can help to reduce these common problems. Being mindful means giving your complete attention to the experience at hand; being fully present in the moment. Recall going on a wild fair ride as a child; you were fully immersed in the experience, fully present and in the moment. If you had negative or anxious thoughts they were quickly put aside to re-engage in the ride. You want that same stance in your sexual encounters. Show up and tune in; bring awareness to your body and senses, be present in your mind and attune toward your partner. Mindful sex entails being present and able to describe what is happening without judging any part of the experience as good or bad. Here are a few key pointers for having sex mindfully:

Start by practicing mindfulness on a daily basis. Choose an activity that is already part of your daily routine (e.g., making coffee, walking, washing dishes, taking a shower). For 2-3 minutes fully tune in to the activity – to what you see, hear, smell, touch and taste). The more you practice and incorporate mindfulness into your lifestyle, the easier it will be to call up this mindful state during sex.

Breathe. Not just taking in and expelling air but deep, conscious inhales and exhales. Really fill your lungs and diaphragm with life-giving air and exhale stress. The better you are breathing the more energy you are giving to your sexual regions.

Remain present. Tune in to what is happening both within yourself and your partner(s), as well as the connection between you. Fully pay attention to the experience. Take care to minimize distractions (e.g., TV, kids, phone). Focus on your senses. Remember the raisin exercise! Pay attention to the sexual encounter the same way you paid attention to the raisin.

Take a stance of acceptance and nonjudgement. Leave negative feelings and expectations at the door. If negative thoughts enter your mind allow them to float by without focusing on them or judging. You cannot focus on negative thoughts and be fully engaged sexually at the same time. Choose to enjoy what you are feeling, enjoy your partner, enjoy the entire encounter!

Remember that mind-wandering is natural and can strike us even while having sex. No need to be too hard on yourself; but rather gently bring yourself back to mindfully experiencing the sex at hand. The key to better sex is to really be there when you are having it. If you make the commitment to practice mindfulness slowly throughout your day and then more specifically in the bedroom, you are fairly certain to reap the rewards. You will have an enhanced ability to experience all of your bodily sensations; you will notice improvements in expressing your feelings through your body and at noticing the same in your partner(s); you will get better at tuning in to your partner and thus be a better lover (your partner can in turn also be more tuned in); and finally, each of you has a renewed potential to have an orgasm.

Try incorporating mindfulness into your daily life and more specifically your sex life, if you need support call us to consult with one of our therapists at (514) 223-5327.

Written by: Andrea Guschlbauer, Ph.D., OPQ.

Mindfulness

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” Viktor Frankl

Mindfulness has been getting a lot of attention with good reason. There has been more and more research on the effects of practicing mindfulness and these studies underline the many benefits it brings. These include improved focus, concentration and precision; greater emotional wellbeing; less disturbed by and less reactive to unpleasant experiences; improved ability to manage depression, anxiety and stress more effectively; improved physical wellbeing (reduced blood pressure, higher immune function, reduction in physical stress responses); increased resilience to change; improved ability to deal with relationship stress more constructively; lower stress response during conflict and the ability to communicate better during conflict; improved management of chronic pain; and improved quality of sleep.

Everyone has experienced moments of mindlessness; when we have driven a distance and realized afterwards how fortunate it is that we can still brake at red lights even when our attention is elsewhere. Mindfulness is the opposite. Mindfulness is the intentional non-judgmental paying attention to the minute details of everyday experience. It is not easy because our minds are used to going a mile a minute, so this definitely requires practice. Many mindfulness exercises focus on the breath because this is the simplest and most accessible way to train your mind to pay attention but some mindfulness exercises include movement or everyday activities. With mindfulness we practice letting go of our thoughts, feelings and impulses and staying instead with the simplicity of the breath or whatever else we have chosen as our focus. With practice we become better at calming and slowing down our minds and as our perceptions expand we start to notice things more clearly and we become less reactive or impulsive.

Important Factors in effective Mindfulness Practice

Non-judging: Mindfulness is cultivated by assuming the stance of an impartial witness to your own experience. To do this requires that you become aware of the constant stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences that we are normally caught up in and how we learn to step back from them. Becoming aware of these automatic judgments helps us to see through our prejudices and fears and liberate ourselves from them. All that is required is to be aware that it is happening. When you notice your mind judging, you don’t have to stop it from doing that (i.e.: do not judge the judging) just notice it.
Patience: Like a butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, we cannot rush this process. It is important to be patient with our judging, our fears or our agitation; we must also be patient if we have been practicing for a time and nothing positive seems to be happening. Patience gives us the room to have these experiences. We are having them anyway, so why rush through some moments just to get to “better” ones?
Beginner’s mind: Try and look at things as if we are seeing them for the first time which helps us to stop perceiving things only through what we already know. The “beginner’s mind” allows us to be receptive to new possibilities and understandings.
Non-striving: Humans have a productive tendency – we always seem to being dong things for a purpose. This tendency gets in the way when we are practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness has no goal other than for you to be yourself.
Acceptance: Acceptance is the willingness to see things as they are; it is the openness to whatever we are thinking, feeling or seeing because it is here right now. It does not mean that you have to like everything or take a passive attitude towards everything. Openness does not mean abandoning one’s principles or values.
Letting go: Letting go or non-attachment is fundamental to the practice of mindfulness. When we start paying attention to our inner experience we quickly observe how there are certain thoughts, feelings or situations that the mind wants to hold onto. In spite of all of our intelligence, our minds get caught up in either trying to elevate some experiences and/or preventing others. Mindfulness teaches us to intentionally put aside the tendency to do this and instead let our experience be whatever it is. We simply observe our experience moment to moment without judging it as desirable or disagreeable.

Practice mindfulness and you are guaranteed to get more out of your life. You may find some of the examples we have posted on our website helpful to guide you. If you are having trouble calming your mind, give us a call and we will be happy to help you.

Written by: Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ.

The Eternal Search for Happiness Part Two

Many of us have found ourselves being concerned at how unhappy we can be. We have a tendency to highlight the negatives in life, which to a certain degree can be attributed to evolution and the way our brains are wired. From this perspective focusing on the negative kept humans alive. Thousands of years ago, this “quality” meant that if there was any chance of coming to harm we would be prepared (fight or flight). Nowadays, it tends to lead to anxiety and depression (among other concerns).

What can be done? Well, we’ve already taken a look at a few things (please see “The Eternal Search for Happiness Part One”) but here are a few more to consider.

Savor: There can be a big difference between having an experience and really savoring it. Take the time to really enjoy all the little things in life. Turn enjoyable momentary experiences into longer lasting happiness boosts. Do not just have a sip of your morning coffee, really take in the entire experience. Feel the warmth of the mug on your hands. Smell the pleasant scent coming from the beverage. Really taste it in your mouth (as opposed to simply consuming it). Normally each sip would take a second, but prolong it to 5-10 seconds and notice the difference. For more information about this savoring, please see our blog on increasing life satisfaction.

Socialize: In general, being social would mean friends and family. However, it doesn’t have to be. Many people who are unhappy highlight the fact that they may not have close connections, however, you do not necessarily have to be close with someone to get the happiness benefits of being social. Strike up a conversation with a barista or someone beside you on public transport. Take the step of talking to a colleague in the lunch room who normally you may not have.

Strive: Set goals for yourself and really work towards attaining them. Do not just write them on a list and forget about them. It may be a good idea to incorporate SMART goals in this process (goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound). Challenge yourself to improve. Keep in mind, the idea is to focus on the process and not the end result.

Explore: Gaining new experiences is a good way to increase happiness. Get out there and try new things, be adventurous! But please use your best judgement and above all else be safe. The idea behind striving and stretching is to reach enough outside your comfort zone to stimulate dopamine production in the brain without putting yourself in danger such that we reinforce the negative thinking explained above.

Optimism: This is probably the most difficult one from the batch. It takes practice. But actively engaging in working on your mindset can have lasting positive effects. Much can be said of “fake it ‘til you make it” but one strong suggestion would be to consider being as genuine with yourself as possible. Is it at all possible to focus on the silver lining? Or perhaps a positive learning experience? And remember that highlighting positives does not mean ignoring negatives or pretending they do not exist.

Sleep: Get a good night’s sleep. Sleep plays a very important role in both physical and psychological functioning. Although most people would agree that sleep is paramount in one’s life, it tends to be one of the first things brushed aside. Work, social engagements and other activities seem to take priority. We have this belief that we can catch up on the weekend or function normally with less sleep when neither of these statements are true. For ideas on improving your quality of sleep you can refer to our blog titled getting a better night’s sleep.

If you are feeling unhappy and would like more support please call us to consult with one of our therapists at (514) 223-5327. We would be more than happy to help.

Written by: Robin Jolivet M.A.

The Eternal Search for Happiness

How does one achieve more happiness? Many people mistakenly seek happiness by trying to make more money to acquire more things when money is a rather poor predictor of happiness. Once your basic needs are met (food, shelter, education) money no longer plays a significant role. That said, here are a few strategies for you to increase your level of happiness:

Accept Painful Emotions: This may sound counterintuitive but having a wide range of emotions is a good thing, this includes the painful ones. All emotions provide us with useful information that is necessary for our growth. Experiencing struggle affords us the ability to really savor the good times by comparison. Sometimes the greatest memories are a mixture of both. If you are among the many who enjoyed the recent box office hit “Inside Out” you will recall this as an important conclusion. While you might be tempted to try and block painful emotions, we tend to not be very good at this and the ironic result is that we end up blunting our positive emotions in the process.
Time Affluence: Simply put, time affluence is the feeling that you have enough time to do what you want to do. This includes quality time spent with loved ones, friends, hobbies, and relaxing. Time poverty on the other hand is something that most people would say they understand quite well. Rushing around, not having enough time for yourself, overworked, and the anxiety associated with such. We recommend finding ways to cut down on commitments so that you will have more time affluence.
Physical Exercise: It is common knowledge that exercise is good for you. But did you know that it is also good for your mind? Physical exercise causes a release of endorphins which can make you feel better, even happy! Some researchers have shown that exercise can function as an antidepressant and that it can have a longer lasting result than medication alone. So why not take a walk outside on your lunch break rather than sitting at your desk?
Gratitude: Being grateful is a strong predictor of happiness. But be mindful, there is a difference between thinking we are grateful and showing thanks. Sharing those thankful thoughts has a greater effect on you (and the person you are sharing it with) than simply thinking it. Try introducing a little more gratitude into your life by keeping a gratitude journal, saying your appreciative out loud, or by writing a letter to someone who has made a difference in your life.
Simplify: Consider doing less rather than more. Focus on one task at a time. Being efficient with your time does not necessarily mean multitasking. Multitasking has actually been shown to reduce efficiency. Although we think we are doing multiple things at once, what we are actually doing is switching our attention between tasks. This results in lost time, extra energy spent, and a reduction in overall efficiency. Try and reduce the noise of modern life by turning off your phone when engaging in other activities or limiting the number of times you check your email.

As you try these suggestions, observe what works for you and what does not. We encourage you to be mindful of how your expectations for how things “should” make you happy may trip you up in this process. And if you would like some help to increase your feelings of happiness in your life, give us a call at (514) 223-5327. We would be more than happy to help!

Written by: Robin Jolivet M.A.