Getting Help With PTSD

“I witnessed a tragic car accident several months ago. I still think about what happened and feel anxious. My husband says that I am being “distant” and my kids tell me that I am acting “weird”. I can’t even drive anymore. What is wrong with me?

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can occur after an individual has been through or has witnessed a traumatic event in which they perceive a threat to their life or other’s lives. A few examples of this are car accidents, sexual assaults, abuse, war, death of a loved one, infidelity or natural disasters. Individuals who suffer from PTSD experience the following symptoms:

– dreams, flashbacks or invasive thoughts related to the event,
– persistent avoidance of things associated with the event,
– feeling numb, depressed and/or very anxious,
– outbursts of anger or irritability.

Individual differences affect both the severity and the type of symptoms experienced. For example some may experience stronger emotional reactions than others. Children have less ability to predict, avoid, make sense of or to actively defend against upsetting events and therefore they may have more trouble sleeping, “act out” or become more aggressive.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) are clinically proven treatment approaches to PTSD that allow an individual to rebuild their beliefs about safety and trust in an informative, guided and safe process. In therapy interventions will be suited according to the individual’s personal healing process and rhythm where they will:

– learn about the normality of their reactions following the trauma
– learn to face their fears
– learn to manage emotions (in particular their anger)
– learn to change their negative core beliefs into more positive and realistic ones
– reduce their anxiety through mindfulness and relaxation exercises (you can find examples on our website)
– and finally rebuild trust and faith in others and the world.

Traumatic experiences shake the foundations of our beliefs about safety and shatter our assumptions of trust. Tragically many suffer alone and in silence. If you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD there is no need to suffer any longer. Psychotherapy can help you get better. Give one of our clinicians a call at 514 223 5327.

Written by: Rita Odabachian, M.A., M.Ed.

When Trust is Broken: The Road to Repair

Trust is one of the most fundamental components of human connections. It impacts how we make sense of the world and interact with others. Trust develops very early on; helpless infants become either fearful or trusting depending on how caregivers meet their physical and emotional needs. As we grow trust continues to develop through our experience of how others treat us; whether or not they respond sensitively and appropriately to our needs. Later on in life trust continues to serve as the basis for our interpersonal relationships including romantic ones. A satisfying relationship is the most commonly cited goal of people worldwide and trust is the cornerstone of relationship satisfaction. It should come as no surprise then that stress in the form of breaches of trust can have extensive negative effects on our psychological and physical well-being.

We lose trust in our partners for a host of reasons including abuse, infidelity and deceit. Once trust is broken we often experience tremendous anxiety and resentment, which can create a wall between ourselves and our partners. We might withdraw from those close to us and feel quite lonely. Unfortunately, most of us face some form of mistrust or betrayal at some point in our lives. The good news is that there is hope; it is possible to regain trust and rebuild a damaged relationship.

Repairing trust is a challenging undertaking and can be a long process involving patience on the part of both partners. The work entails replacing painful memories with healing ones that help to develop a sense of safety and well-being.

Here are some key steps in repairing trust and recovering from a betrayal:

1. Acknowledge the betrayal; take responsibility. Do so as soon as possible since damage and healing time increase the longer you carry the burden in secret.

2. Make an effort to maintain honesty. Because your partner’s trust has been shaken they will likely need continued and repeated evidence over time that they can trust you again. During this time you might find yourself answering a lot of questions about the betrayal. Be patient and answer these questions, as they can be an opportunity to begin rebuilding trust.

3. Although it can be difficult, allow your partner to share their feelings about the betrayal. You cannot expect to reestablish trust without a full recognition of the consequences from what has happened. Listen to them without arguing or debating and validate their experience.

4. Patience is key. It takes much longer to rebuild trust than it did to earn it the first time around.

We cannot rush or force the process of rebuilding trust. It is built through small moments over time; everyday moments that may seem insignificant but serve as the building blocks of healing and repair. When our partner wants to talk to us about a bad day, asks us for help with a chore or looks upset – these are all opportunities to connect with our partner and rebuild trust. We are turning toward our partner rather than turning away and saying “I’m here for you”.

Betrayal can be a critical point in our relationship stories. Because breaches in trust come in big and small packages (we are not just talking infidelity here) it is inevitable that we will face betrayal in our relationship at some point or another. Rather than see these occurrences as a signal for the end we might choose to use this difficult time as an opportunity to not only repair but to strengthen our relationship.

If you need help repairing the trust in your relationship, call us to consult with one of our couple therapists at 514 223 5327.

Written by: Andrea Guschlbauer, Ph.D.

Managing Anxiety

Everyone gets anxious – from occasional feelings of fear and worry to more severe anxiety attacks. There can be several reasons why one develops anxiety and they can come from a combination of: 1) genetic composition (anxiety disorders seem to run in families); 2) environment (childhood experiences and traumas such as a dog bite for example or a tragic accident); 3) individual factors such as beliefs and behaviors (about a certain situation such as taking the plane can contribute to a fear of flying for example); and 4) use of caffeine or alcohol. There are also some medical conditions that can cause us to feel anxious such as thyroid problems.

However not all anxiety is bad! For instance it can be quite helpful when we need a “rush” of energy or when we are faced with a dangerous situation, which requires us to take some kind of important action. Here our body’s sympathetic nervous system automatically triggers physiological changes: Our breathing quickens, adrenaline is secreted and our heart begins to race. This is a natural survival mechanism called the fight or flight response and it is intended to help us to escape a life threatening situation.

On the flip side when the threatening situation is imagined (for instance you might think “I’m going to fail this presentation and everyone will start to mock me”) the fight or flight response is activated but unnecessarily in this situation. This is only one example of how anxiety symptoms can hinder our daily functioning, our relationships, our performance at work and our overall health and well-being.

Here are ways you can decrease the frequency and intensity of anxiety in your life.
1. Accept that anxiety is normal. Fighting the anxiety can make it worse. Remind yourself that anxious thoughts and feelings are like any other thoughts and feelings. Not only will this remove any shame or judgment that you might have about your anxiety, it will actually activate the body’s natural relaxation response and you can feel calmer.

2. “Stop-sit-breathe”. Since anxiety is often triggered by unwanted and negative self-talk you can also tell the brain to “STOP” the thoughts. SIT leaning back while loosening your arms and BREATHE. Practice diaphragmatic breathing: start by exhaling deeply then inhaling slowly to a count of 4 pushing your belly out, gently holding your breath for 4 seconds and then exhaling slowly to a count of 5. Do the whole “stop-sit-breathe” exercise for 5 minutes twice a day. Mindfulness is another way to slow down negative self-talk. You can find an example on our website.

3. Positive coping statements— Practice more positive and realistic thoughts such as “Although unpleasant, my anxious feeling will pass and I have managed it before”.

4. Challenge your anxious thoughts—think, “How likely is this to happen?”, “Is this really true or does it just feel that way?” and “If it does happen, what can I do and how?”

5. Get moving! Exercising regularly and in a non-obsessive way reduces anxiety and releases chemicals called endorphins which interact with the brain providing you with positive emotions.

Ultimately the worst thing you can do when you are anxious is to passively sit around focusing on being anxious! By regularly practicing the above techniques you will eventually increase your ability to live the life you want in spite of your anxiety.

If you need additional support contact us at (514) 223 5327. Our clinicians are trained to help you with your anxiety.

Written by: Rita Odabachian, M.A., M.Ed.

Preventing and Improving Poor Body Image

The image we have of ourselves is already largely formed at age 2 and once we develop beliefs and attitudes about ourselves – they are resistant to change. This highlights early childhood as a crucial period to prevent body image problems.

From infancy onward attune yourself to your children’s cues and help them to accurately label their feelings – whether these are emotional or physical. This helps children to identify and name what they are experiencing internally and their increasing ability to respond to these needs (i.e. rest when tired, eat when hungry) helps them to increase their sense of mastery and confidence.

Our children also need a lot of physical expressions of love: rocking, cuddling or physical contact during play. When kids experience consistent and soothing bodily contact they learn that the body is a source of pleasure and comfort.
Make family meals a peaceful time for enjoying food and being with each other. Save arguments, TV shows or phone calls for another time. Don’t use food as either a punishment or a reward.

Encourage children to explore their physical strengths. Let them experiment with different types of movement to give them the opportunity to experience their body as a positive, effective part of themselves. Children who are involved in physical activities have higher self-esteem – we especially see this effect on girls. Physical activity has many benefits – among them an increased sense of oneself as strong, healthy, coordinated and energetic.

Do not allow teasing about bodies in the house. Work towards identifying and resisting all forms of discrimination. Teach children what to do if they are teased at school. As teachers and coaches, we need to understand the detrimental effects of teasing and minimize this negative experience.

Be careful not to emphasize high achievement, perfectionism or competitiveness. These values increase the development of feelings of inadequacy and failure. We can encourage our children to do their best without needing to impress others with their performance.

Teach children how to critique the media constructively. Help them to deconstruct the messages that advertisements, television shows, music videos and even character roles in books tell us about how we should feel, act or look. Consider eliminating those that emphasize thinness such as some magazines. Letters of complaint can be sent to advertisers who promote harmful images and letters of appreciation can be sent to those advertisers that celebrate the natural diversity of human body shapes and sizes. Societal standards cannot harm us unless we let them.

Educate teenagers about bodily changes they can expect during puberty. We might share stories about how we felt when we were going through it. Sharing strategies about how to handle this period and gain perspective can also be helpful. Remind them that judgements based on appearances happen less often after high school.

Model a healthy self-perception. Learn about “set-point” weight and stop fighting with your body to be something that it’s not. Learn about the dangerous effects of dieting and give it up. Nurture your body by striving for balanced eating, physical activity and sufficient rest instead.
Do not use the body as an indicator for self-esteem. Encourage yourself and others to consider all of our qualities when evaluating ourselves. A strong sense of self that is not dependent on appearance is a resiliency factor for all kinds of problems. Parents or educators can do this by letting boys and girls know what is beautiful about them such as their kindness, strength, grace, intuitiveness, humor etc.

Learn how to identify symptoms of stress and model ways to effectively deal with stress.

Intentionally focus on positive aspects of the body. Get beyond appearance and include aspects such as movement and function. An example of this is to notice how fortunate we are that our bodies perform intricate and fascinating tasks for our well-being every day. Replace the negative ideas about our bodies with positive ones that are believable to us. This is a tough one for many of our clients. You cannot replace “I’m ugly” with “I’m beautiful” – it’s too big a leap. You can replace it with “my smile is beautiful” or even just setting an intention such as: “I am trying to notice and appreciate what I might come to love about myself”.

Surround yourself with people who respect a variety of body types and consider advocating to create safe spaces where teasing and “fat jokes” are eliminated.

If these ideas do not improve your body image consider getting professional support. Our clinicians are trained in the treatment of eating disorders and body image disturbances. Below you will find a list of resources which may be of interest to those of you who would like to read more.

Written by Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ

Canter, S. (2009). Normal Eating for Normal Weight: The Path to Freedom from Weight Obsession and Food Cravings. Permutations Software, New York.

Cash, T.F. (2008). The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks, second edition). New Harbinger, CA.

Friedman, S.S. (1997). When girls feel fat: Helping girls through adolescence. Harper Collins, New York.

Hirshman, J. & Zaphiropoulos, L. (1993). Preventing childhood eating problems: A practical positive approach to raising children free of food and weight conflicts. Gurze Books, CA.

Ikeda, J. & Naworsky, P. (1992). Am I fat? Helping young children accept differences in body size. ETR Associates, CA.

Koenig, K.R. (2005). The Rules Of “Normal” Eating: A Commonsense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters, and Everyone in Between! Gurze, CA.

Pearson, A., Heffner, M., & Follette, V.M. (2010). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Body Image Dissatisfaction: A Practitioner’s Guide to Using Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values-Based Behavior Change Strategies. New Harbinger, CA.

Pipher. M. (1994). Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. Ballantine Books, New York.

Web sites:
www.bodyimagecoalition.org
www.mindonthemedia.org/
www.aboutface.com
www.nedic.ca
www.edap.org
www.something-fishy.org
www.adiosbarbie.com

Making the Most of Career Uncertainty

The first step to capitalizing on the uncertainty of today’s career landscape is simply knowing about it. At first glance, this may appear to be but a small step, but in fact this knowledge legitimizes the struggles that individuals experience, redirecting some of the pressure and blame that people put on themselves onto the realities of the world around them. Let’s use a few examples to illustrate this experience.

Take an individual, ‘Person A’. Person A has always believed in a linear career process, which can express itself in different ways:

go to college >> get a job in a field directly related to the major >> work in that organization for 30+ years >> retire;

start working in an organization in an entry-level position from a young age >> ‘work their way up’ >> retire from the same organization or from another where they maintained roughly the same job title. (For more in-depth description about the non-linearity of careers, please read my previous blog post The Current Landscape of Work).

Unfortunately, at this time, Person A is at a difficult crossroads in their career. They may be having trouble finding work, they are unsure about what to do after they graduate from college, or they feel stuck in their career. To address the considerable difficulty they are experiencing, they first turn to their own personal understanding of the world of work – the linear career path. Person A quickly realizes that their current dilemmas do not fit with their idea of how careers develop. Specifically, based on Person A’s concerns: they may attribute their trouble finding work to themselves, not being good or qualified enough; they may relate the uncertainty regarding what to pursue post-graduation to their own indecisiveness; they may force themselves to ‘suck it up’ and/or ‘stick it out’ in their current field even though they may feel stagnant in it, because they believe that people should and do stay within their own area of specialty. The linear belief system may be reinforced by messages received from family, friends, the media – all of which are powerfully influential – and Person A may think to themselves: “That many people can’t all be wrong. So the structure is sound, which can only mean that I am the one who does not fit, and there must be something wrong with me”. Enter worry. Enter self-doubt. Enter anxiety. All of which contribute negatively by removing the focus and energy away from finding work, to instead focussing firmly on the self: how one is a failure, does not fit, can’t find work, will not be successful, etc. Add to the fact that it is not uncommon for work-related stress to spill over onto areas of life unrelated to work (family, friends, relationships, hobbies), and Person A has a perfect storm on their hands, firmly rooted in self-doubt, and insecurity. Hardly the ideal state in which to be when one needs to dedicate time and energy to an already-challenging career situation.

Now, let’s turn to our attention to ‘Person B’. Person B is at a similar crossroads then Person A, and still feels unstable as a result of it. The only difference is that Person B perceives the world of work as it truly is – not linear but rather unpredictable and uncertain and recognizes and anticipates that the road ahead may be a turbulent one. Just like Person A, Person B may experience difficulty finding work, may struggle with the difficult decision of whether or not to re-career or re-train, or question the value or worth of seeking work in a field they enjoy but at a lower pay grade than they are used to. Again, just like with Person A, all of these scenarios are likely to cause distress for Person B. The main difference is that Person B, because they know that it’s “tough going out there”, may have a tendency to attribute these difficulties to the realities in the world of work as opposed to attributing them to themselves. In time, Person B may become more comfortable with these realities, and recognize that they are not alone in experiencing these challenges. This is not to say that belief in an unpredictable, non-linear career path automatically immunizes against self-doubt, anxiety, and insecurity. But it may slow them all down, helping Person B to re-direct their angst onto the system and away from themselves, allowing them to gather the energy required to attempt to overcome their current career-related struggles.

Naturally, the scenarios described above are caricaturized representations of reality, simplified for the purpose of illustration. The lives of individuals are more complex and a myriad of factors can and do influence one’s career and belief about how careers work. However, the basic message underscoring the benefit of adopting the right mindset remains vital.

Belief in the linear career path is ‘sticky’ and hard to shake for a few reasons. First, it has history on its side. In the not-too-distant past and for centuries before it, careers were considerably more linear. And even if we understand – either intellectually or ‘on paper’ – that the norm is shifting away from linearity, we as humans tend to integrate change rather slowly. Second, some very high-profile career paths remain linear to this day, such as being a doctor or a lawyer – ‘linear’ in that there is generally one prescribed method for gaining licensure to practice, in this case attending medical school or passing the bar exam, respectively. (Having said this, in true non-linear fashion, the paths that individuals follow to get to medical school or to the bar exam vary from individual to individual.) Finally, a linear career path is teasingly enticing, for its simplicity and its predictability that says “if you go this way, you will get here.” Who wouldn’t want such a promise? Part of the difficulty of accepting non-linear careers is that many of us want to believe in career linearity, because it simplifies an increasingly complex process. Summing up: it used to be the norm, in (few) occurrences it remains the norm, and if it were applied to our lives, it would make our lives a whole lot easier.

Despite its lure, we need to accept that the landscape of work has changed, look it straight in the face and unapologetically say: “it’s not me, it’s you”.

Written by Julien Elia, M.A.

Get a Better Night’s Sleep

Sleep is essential for health and well-being. But millions of people do not get enough of it, which results in problems such as chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, weight gain, reduced immunity, poor decision-making, interference with learning potential and accidents. According to the National Sleep Foundation more than 60 percent of adults experience a sleep problem several times per week.

There are many causes of poor sleep. Drinking alcohol or beverages containing caffeine in the afternoon or evening, exercising close to bedtime, following an irregular morning and nighttime schedule and working or doing other mentally intensive activities right before or after getting into bed are common ones. Temperature, noise, light, shift work, traveling across time zones and even the sleep habits of your partner can also disrupt sleep – all of which can and often do upset circadian rhythms.

But stress is the number one culprit. When we experience pressures from work or school, when we are experiencing conflict in our interpersonal relationships or struggling with our health – it is common for sleep to become disrupted. However insomnia can persist long after a stressful situation has passed.

Recently cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be very effective in getting people to fall asleep and conquer insomnia. Almost one third of people who undergo this treatment recover from their insomnia and most reduce their symptoms by 50 percent and sleep an extra 45-60 minutes a night.

According to leading sleep researchers there are relatively simple techniques to combat common sleep problems. Keep a regular sleep/wake schedule. Commit to a regular bed time and go to bed at the same time each night. People who sleep eight hours a night with varied bedtimes will not feel as rested as those who use the same bedtime. Here are some other ideas to try:

Attempt to go to bed earlier every night for a certain period to ensure that you’re getting enough sleep
Try and wake up without an alarm clock
If you nap take a power nap of no longer than 20 minutes during the day.
Do not ingest caffeine four to six hours before bed and minimize daytime use
Do not smoke especially near bedtime or if you wake in the night
Avoid alcohol and heavy meals before sleep
Get regular exercise – but don’t exercise too close to bedtime
Minimize noise, light and excessive hot and cold temperatures where you sleep
This being said find ways to warm your body temperature before bedtime. You might try a cup of caffeine free tea, a warm shower or bath or your favorite pyjamas and bathrobe. Forego the tea if it prompts night waking for the bathroom
Dim the lights before bedtime and avoid surfing the Web or watching television immediately before bed
Write down troubling thoughts so that you are less likely to dwell on them through the night
Incorporate relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation. When the body relaxes, the mind tends to follow

We encourage you to give these ideas a try. If you need additional support contact us at (514) 223 5327. Our clinicians are trained in Cognitive Behavioral strategies.

Written by: Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ.

Causes of Poor Body Image

In earlier blogs we have identified indicators of poor body image, the alarming statistics that reveal how many people are struggling with this problem and its negative impact on our health. The following will summarize what we have learned about the causes of poor body image.
The earliest influence on body image is our family. For the first few years of life we are in the constant presence of our family and what we hear and see in the context influences our beliefs, values and attitudes. Parents are often unaware of the tremendous impact of their words and behavior on the child’s development of their sense of self. Think about how we comment about children’s behaviour and their appearance. We praise boys for being “big and strong” or we praise girls for being “pretty and sweet”. And many parents comment on their child’s weight encouraging them to “slim down”. The impact of this worsens if we tease children about their bodies whether this is about their weight or their sexual development (e.g., developing breasts or voice changes at puberty). In doing so we increase the likelihood of them developing a dislike and shameful feelings towards their body.

In addition, parent’s modeling of preoccupation with weight has an impact. Think about what children hear us say about ourselves: “ugh, I look so fat”, “I have to lose 10 pounds before the wedding”. Parents who routinely diet and avoid being in a bathing suit for example model this as normal behaviour and then their children learn that weight is something to worry about. Children listen to and observe all of this and it shapes their beliefs and attitudes towards themselves. By the age of two children have developed a sense of their body. The body represents the boundary between what is me and what is not me. More and more the body begins to represent who we are in our own eyes and in the eyes of others. The family powerfully shapes this developing perception and this can either buffer children from or establish fertile soil for future damaging influences.

Teasing is a big problem. When children repeatedly receive negative comments about themselves – they believe them. Many people with poor body image report that teasing began in early childhood but peer influences peak during adolescence when belonging to a social group increases in importance. Being excluded from social groups because of how they look or what they wear further reinforces prevailing beauty ideals. We find that how teens look is more important to them than their performance at school. Another influence during the teen years is growth. It is normal to go through weight spurts and height spurts during adolescence as their body matures. Unfortunately we tend to react to weight spurts with fear as do the teens themselves. And the major dilemma is that this occurs at exactly at the same time as their self-consciousness about fitting in with their peers peaks.

And where do these beauty ideals that parents and peers insidiously promote come from? Like adults our youth are subjected to representations of the “ideal” via images on television, magazines, movies, the internet and music videos. Everywhere we look we see young, big-breasted, long legged women who are unbelievably thin. If we see a man in the media with his shirt off, he is invariably lean, muscular, hairless and young.

Preschool children have already started to learn how society views various physical characteristics. Children know that Cinderella wins the handsome prince and the ‘ugly’ and mean step-sisters lose out. They know that Barbie, Ariel or Briar Rose have the good life with bodies to match. This is also true for boys with the modern equivalents of Ken dolls or GI Joe. Body image takes shape as children absorb conceptions of what is valued as attractive – how they should look. They also learn what characteristics are unattractive – how they should not look. More importantly they judge their own body in how it lives up to these “shoulds”. The result affects their self-worth.

As adults we are increasingly exposed to images of the ideal woman who has a full time career, happy children and a thin but fit body – all of which are very difficult to attain and balance. Men also experience these kinds of pressures to be tall, muscular with a full head of hair as well as being expected to provide material signs of success (the car, watch, tech accessories…) All of us are subjected to growing pressures to be physically attractive and we increasingly believe that good looks are a prerequisite for succeeding in relationships and life in general.

As mentioned earlier our image of ourselves is already taking shape at age 2. Once we develop beliefs and attitudes about ourselves – they are resistant to change. Whether we learned negative ideas about our bodies and ourselves within our family context or via teasing from our peers or through influences of the media – they stick. Studies done on people dissatisfied with their appearance – whether this was due to their weight or acne for example – still believe this about themselves even when they are no longer overweight or when the scars from acne have disappeared. Body image is very much the consequence of cultural and interpersonal conditioning.

As pervasive as these beliefs and attitudes may be, we can change them. Please read the next blog in this series on body image in which we will discuss what we can do to improve body image. If you are suffering with your Body Image, call us to set up an individual session with one of our therapists. We can help you find peace with your body.

Written by: Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ

The Current Landscape Of Work

Careers have become unpredictable. And we as humans tend to deal rather poorly with uncertainty. We want sure bets and we want guarantees, especially when it comes to something as important as your career. That’s the bad news. The good news is that there are ways to make the most of this uncertainty and harness the ‘power’ of unpredictability to make it work in your favor, which can lead to a meaningful life and career.

But first, it is important to understand what kind of career world we live in before addressing how we can make the most of it.

Along with the end of the 20th century came the end of the traditional, predictable and linear career. During most of this century it was not uncommon to start and end one’s career with the same employer and employees generally benefited from more occupational stability. Today thanks in large part to unstable economic conditions of employers (e.g. increased mergers, restructuring, layoffs) and the speed of technological advancements (e.g. occupations becoming obsolete, increased mechanization and automation of tasks) workers face more insecurity and instability than ever. For workers the consequences of such changes mean increased contract and temporary work, greater competition for productivity and a need for continuous learning and ‘re-careering’. In response to this new career landscape, employees of today need to be nimble, adaptable and (alas) comfortable with and ‘good at’ uncertainty.

Previously most career counselling focused on matching employees with professions: “You have traits A, B, and C and interests D, E and F. Employees in careers X, Y and Z have similar traits and interests so these careers would probably be a good fit for you.” For a career landscape that is stable and predictable (unlike today’s), this ‘matching’ model can work rather well and can be considerably predictive in a world where long spells at one job are the norm. But in today’s day and age where instability is the new sheriff in town, this model of career development and planning does not account for the many changes that underlie contemporary careering – it is but a partial solution. The ‘matching’ process does have value in that it can help highlight one’s interests, strengths and weaknesses and even personality; it also can provide information about different careers in the present world of work. It does not however account for unpredictability, chance events or the omnipresent shifting winds of career change. In a way it would be like looking to study the ocean by taking a sample of it and placing it in an enclosed box on land without weather or wildlife. Hardly representative of oceanic realities.

Ask anyone today about their career story – how they ended up in the occupation they currently have or whether they could have predicted getting to where they are presently. Their story will most likely contain unexpected twists and turns, chance encounters, whims, gut feelings and accidents that the career ‘matching’ process cannot address. Our career development is affected by countless influencers or experiences that can shape our career development: some are more obvious than others and some are more deliberate than others. But we cannot predict the outcome of these experiences.

For instance, you may ask your neighbor to borrow a wrench and very naturally get caught up in a conversation about biological cybernetics – a career field you had never heard about – and suddenly and unexpectedly become curious about learning more. Or it could be discovering a leaflet on the ground promoting a free talk about teaching a language abroad, which you decide to attend. Or even accidentally clicking on an online ad for welding training which can become the catalyst for discovering a new field and a welcoming community of tradespeople. Clearly such events cannot be predicted and can be surprisingly influential in shaping one’s career path. This process is popularly known as the Butterfly Effect, simplified as: a small change here can lead to momentous changes elsewhere. Then again such events may have absolutely no influence at all and disappear along with the thousands of messages we are exposed to that we discard on a daily basis.

This is not to say that our careers are only influenced by such random events. We can and do engage in much more deliberate actions as well for instance attending a career fair, listening to the occupational recommendations of family, exploration of self and options with the guidance of a career counsellor, researching different jobs online or paying attention to our interests and acting upon them – all of which can have profound influences on our vocational futures as well.
The bottom line is that unexpected events can and often do influence our careers in completely unpredictable directions. The irony is that we cannot predict how or when they will influence us but when they do influence us it is easy to look back and understand how they did. “Hindsight, oh how mischievously you are 20/20”. This does not mean that we should simply throw career development responsibility to the wind, chalking it up to random unpredictability. There are indeed ways to take advantage of today’s career uncertainty to forge adaptive and meaningful career paths, all of which will be addressed in upcoming blog posts.

Understandably this unpredictability can be both unsettling and troubling. As stated above, we as humans tend to experience considerable discomfort when faced with uncertainty and when the stakes are high even more so. But understanding the challenges and unpredictability that underlie today’s world of careers is the first step in learning how to make the most of it. If you would like to speak to a therapist to manage this uncertainty better or to talk about your career direction, give us a call!

Written by: Julien Elia, M.A.

Helping Children with Career Choice

Children need guidance in learning how to choose a career. We know that career possibilities in the form of elimination begin to emerge at the pre-school age when children first begin to see careers as a function of gender. This can be as simple as assuming that whatever mom works at is a ‘girl’ job and whatever dad does is a ‘boy’ job or it can also be a result of hearing one’s parents speak about certain careers as being ‘not good’. If a parent consistently complains about their job a child may eliminate that as a possible career not realizing that it is the specific environment that is making the parent unhappy.

So when do children often first hear that one day they will be expected to have a job – that is when someone says “What do you want to be when you grow up”. This question can be really confusing because it assumes that a small child might actually know what they want to do when they are adults. Technically it is a ridiculous question which many of us have been asked and even asked our own children; however what we really need to be asking is “what do you like to do” or “what are you good at doing”. Even if our children are very small and do not necessarily know what they are good at doing or are more likely to respond ‘recess’ to what they like to do, these questions are meant to make them think. If repeated enough during their early years they will learn to think about what they are good at rather than what they are not good at and they may pay attention when someone says “Wow you are really good at this”. You yourself can take a small test. Take five minutes and write down what you are good at and then take five minutes to write down what you are not good at; see how much easier the latter is than the former.

The first tenet of career development is “Know yourself” and when we ask children or teenagers what they like to do and what they are good at we are helping them to negotiate this first stage. If they are confident in what they enjoy and what they do well they will look for careers that access these attributes. When there is a good fit between our personalities and the job, career satisfaction and happiness is far more accessible. The question “What do you want to do when you grow up” jumps to the second tenet of career development which is “Know what is out there”. Career is difficult today because there are so many choices and this can be very confusing and even debilitating for teenagers who are trying to figure out what they want to do. But if we keep children on the first tenet before they move to the second they will have more confidence and even though they will never know all of their options they will have already circumscribed the world of career down to a sphere of their own preferences and strengths. And of course the last tenet is “Know how the two (you and what is out there) go together”. One may love working with people but if they hate the sight of blood then a medical career might not be a good option.

So as parents a good approach would be to focus on helping your children to know themselves and that includes what they enjoy and what they do not like. When children say “I hate history” it is far better to explore what it is about history they do not like than just saying “Oh it’s not that bad”. One of the major intelligences is intrapersonal intelligence and this is something that can be developed by being taught very early that it is important to know yourself.

If this type of exploration is something that you have never done yourself you can start right now. When are you the most serene; what parts of your job do you really like; what parts do you not like; what made you choose this career in the first place and of course my favorite question “If you won the lottery on Saturday night where would you be on Monday morning”. For many people it would be at their workplace but unfortunately the numbers are far too few, which tells us a great number of people are really not happy in their job. Self-exploration and understanding yourself are important elements of the career process. If you are thinking of a career transition and feel stuck in this process you can always speak with a therapist who is knowledgeable in the field of career. And the counsellors that are typically available through the schools our children attend can be an excellent resource to them as they navigate their career decisions.

Written by: Judith Norton, R.N., Ph.D.

Building Willpower

‘Tis the season of resolutions. Most of us have had experience with struggling to sustain resolutions whether this be to eat less junk food, stop smoking, curb spending or exercise more regularly. The ability to resist short-term enjoyment in pursuit of long-term objectives is commonly referred to as willpower.

Research studies done with children and then followed up in their teens and again in their forties have shown how the ability to exercise willpower early in life correlates with better grades, higher self-esteem, lower substance abuse rates, greater financial security and improved physical and mental health.

A well-known theorist in the study of willpower Walter Mishel theorized that we have “hot” and “cool” systems – hot being the one that responds emotionally and cool the one that responds rationally. When an emotionally charged stimulus overrides the rational system, willpower fails and we indulge. His theory was later supported by functional MRI studies that showed reduced activity on the cognitive regions of the brain of individuals with low self-control.

Further studies have taught us that repeatedly resisting temptation appears to reduce the ability to resist future temptations. For example research participants asked to contain their emotions while viewing a sad movie gave up sooner on a test of physical stamina than did participants who were allowed to react normally. In another study people were placed in front of a plate of freshly baked cookies and a bowl of radishes; those who were denied the cookies and instructed to eat the radishes gave up more than ten minutes sooner on a puzzle task than those who were allowed to indulge in the cookies. Additional studies demonstrated that individuals who repeatedly contain or control their reactions have lower blood glucose levels than do people whose willpower has not been diminished.

These studies have led researchers to view willpower like a muscle that gets tired when overused and while this can have serious repercussions for a wide range of behaviors, building the muscle of willpower has promising implications. Like a muscle you can strengthen willpower over time which expands its applicability. Research participants who sustained an exercise program did better on a lab measure of self-control than did participants who were not assigned an exercise regimen. These same participants also reported less smoking and drinking less alcohol, eating healthier food, monitoring their spending more carefully and improving their study habits. Regularly exercising their willpower with physical exercise led to better willpower in nearly all areas of their lives.

In order to prevent willpower depletion, you need to focus on one goal at a time. Once a single, clear goal is accomplished and established as part of your routine you will free up willpower for your next goal. The bonus embedded in this recommendation is that tackling realistic, achievable goals one at a time will build willpower. Here are some other ways to build willpower:

•Actively monitor your progress on these goals since tracking progress improves outcome.
• Don’t let a slip-up take you off track.
• Make a reasonable plan to meet your goal and recommit each day to making progress toward that goal. Even if this progress is slow going you will still build willpower.
• Develop implementation intentions. These intentions take the form of “if-then” statements that help people plan for situations that are likely to hinder their resolve. Use slip ups to refine these implementation intentions. For example, someone who’s watching her alcohol intake might tell herself before a party, “If anyone offers me a drink, then I’ll ask for club soda with lime.” Research among adolescents and adults has found that implementation intentions improve self-control even among people whose willpower has been depleted.
• Having a plan in place ahead of time allows you to make decisions in the moment without having to draw on your willpower.
• Surround yourself with people you trust and who you know will be supportive of your goals and willing to help you succeed.
• Motivation has also been shown to boost willpower. Those who exercise self-control in order to please others cannot sustain it as long as those who are driven by internal goals. This indicates that if you can identify your values and translate these into clear and specific goals you may be able to persevere even when your willpower strength has been depleted.
• It also appears that eating regular healthy meals and snacks, may help prevent the effects of willpower depletion by maintaining steady blood-glucose levels. Don’t confuse glucose for sugar snacks however, you will prevent reductions in glucose more effectively with complex carbohydrates.
• Strategies such as distraction and the avoidance of temptation by keeping temptations out of sight have been shown to help.
• Positive emotions and attitudes also appear to increase willpower. This underlines the importance of not criticizing ourselves for set-backs and getting support to sustain positivity in spite of the challenge.

We encourage you to apply these ideas to help build your willpower in the service of your goals. If you are struggling give one of us a call and we will help you to identify the areas that are causing you problems and help you to develop a plan.

Written by: Shawna Atkins, Ph.D., OPQ